I hate cockroaches! For two consecutive nights, I have been plagued... no, more like terrorized by these wretched critters every time I get home from an all-nighter group study at McDo and already sooo dying to sleep. I think they can sense my fear?!

It drives me crazy just seeing them crawl in my closet... or even on my bed?! I feel my heart race cause they totally gross me out and at the same time scare the heck out of me! waaaahhh... sometimes I really think the world would be a safer place for me to live without them.

Argh! I just hate them!  

Our church pastor talked about legacy last sunday...

For the year 2007, I wonder what legacy have I left?

Do people see me as someone who loves the Lord above all things? Or just a girl who loves to eat or talk or sleep (not in order of priorities)?

When I get lost in my daily routine in med school or in the whirlwind of activities and stuff like chores, deadlines, exams... I forget how fleeting life is. That any moment, I can be taken from this world. I tend to lose sight of what is really important and forget to think, say, and act in the light of eternity.

Even relationships with people, the most important, most cherished, will not last forever. But my relationship with my Master... we're talking about from everlasting to everlasting here. That is the most important of all!

So what legacy do I want to leave this 2008? It is not yet too late. The year is just beginning...

A blessed new year to us all!

LORD, thank you for leaving a legacy of faithfulness and unchanging love every year. may i be one who reflects who You are and as a person who loves You truly and faithfully, may that be my legacy...    

Our Neuroanatomy lecturer said the brain consumes about 20% of the food we eat. No wonder I'm always hungry.

Hehehe, no one can't blame me why I went on a food trip today after the Module exam! Siomai... I missed you!

haaaaayyy... kapoy na kaayo!  

God give me the strength to endure.

or the courage to change.

Phew... time really flies oh soooo fast! I didn't realize that I never really got to blog about my sem break. It seems like they're just too private to blog. And even if I haven't really announced to the the whole world that I've got this blog (well, quite discreetly, I think I did?)... only God could ever understand what's going through this human heart and fallen mind of mine.

Speaking of mind... Block 5 is soooo cool! About 2 days ago, we just dissected the human brain?! Like, isn't that just exciting?! I was sooo thrilled that I forgot the scent of formalin for a fleeting moment. Hehe. Unfortunately, our poor cadaver Tonton got a bilateral subdural hematoma on his brain so needless to say, our brain was less than ideal. Good for pathology though.

Before, I've always dreamt of becoming a neurosurgeon (sooo McDreamy? ;p). And when I got to college, well... let's just say I got quite a reality check. hmm... I still long to be one, though. I won't elaborate on why I changed my mind. But my reasons were pretty sound and valid.

Oh well, I'd better go back to the library where I left Carpenter and Clemente (neuroanatomy book and atlas) waiting for me. Sigh. Budlay gid ang neuro. Damo kinanglan basahon!

Even if I don't get to be a neurosurgeon someday, I'll prove that I could somehow excel in a field related to it. Now that would be something to look forward to!

and so it strikes again. when will you ever learn? when will you ever tame it?

...please don't wait until it's too late.

Finally! i have the... "luxury" to document my experience in my much-awaited med life. what? no pics yet? well... it's because i'm still sooo not happy with the uniform thing. i still got "unresolved issues" with wearing the all-white getup (not to mention a skirt?!) with black shoes... without socks, of course! sooo not happy.

Oookay... at least i got that out of my system! i still don't get why the administration won't give us the prerogative to wear pants instead... like, the campus is so not conducive for skirt! sheesh! and on top of that, it's white! soooo easy to get dirty... i am so dead. i remember the first day we had to wear uniform, i was like "i hate this! hate! hate! hate!" while hurriedly walking in campus. it's such a great stressor. sniff.

So much for MEDitations. that one was just venting out. i was getting ahead of myself. the truth is, i've got several realizations for the nearly 2 months i've spent as a med student in WVSU. too many that sometimes, they overwhelm me. i feel like i should call myself Hannah Buddha already (no offense to all the Buddhists)... i feel so enlightened!

Seriously, june 12 was the first day of classes (oh boy, this is going to be loooong and boooring! hehe)... hmm... but where was i? oh yeah, i was in bed. nope-- i didn't miss class on purpose. helloooo... would i do that when i was already dying to get to med school, like... ages ago?! june 12 was supposedly the first day of class... for the others. not for me. unfortunately, i was sick. yep, sick.

Apparently, Ilo-ilo's finest and well-acclaimed Entamoeba species were all too excited to consider my gastrointestinal tract as their niche. good for them, they found their happy place! some welcome party! these species proved to be... voracious itty-bitty creatures and i couldn't wait to get rid of them. unfortunately, the feeling wasn't mutual. i think i made them a "happy home" that they decided to extend their stay til classes. huhuhu. thus, the absence.

Most people would never understand why that first day of class was such a big deal for me. it was supposedly a monumental day for me. i've anticipated and tried to imagine what it'll be like the first day i stepped into the hallowed halls of med. i was like a kindergarten pupil... soooo eager to finally be in school. the excitement, the anticipation... were like that of a child's. so was the frustration... like that of a child, almost like a toddler in tantrum.

Sigh. so i cried. while my would-be classmates were in school, i was in my room... alone. and i cried. it may seem trivial for some, but i cried coz i thought...  i didn't make it to med school on my OWN timetable... and now it's the same even in my FIRST day of class! and then after my lachrymal ducts seemed to finally give in, i realized the all-too-familiar lesson which i keep on forgetting somehow: God's timing is different from my timing but one thing remains important... He is in control.

It still gives me a sense of wonder and at the same time, humility to realize that down to the last detail of the insignificant life i live, God takes over. He is in control.

And so i cried again. This time, in gratitude and deep appreciation. And also in shame, for feeling bad. for not trusting. for forgetting the golden lessons i've learned and kept on relearning time and again. God is in control.

On June 12, when my classmates were in class, having their first few lessons in med from different physician lecturers of our university... i was receving my own private lessons as well. and i don't regret it... not one bit. after all, i got my first lesson on my supposedly first day of class from the greatest Physician Himself!

Now I'd like to think that the microscopic Entamoeba species, pathogens as they me be... were actually little instruments for me to relearn one of the basics of my Christian faith: God is God, thus... He is in control. Always was, always is and always will be.